the overzealous security guard

ok... i'm going to try to be quick...

actually,, all that means is that this will probably be poorly written..

oh well...


it's been an interesting day.. or couple days...


yesterday, i was working at a building in downtown dallas which had no parking specified for construction workers. Which meant you had to fight for spots on the street, or walk long distances to the jobsite.. well,, you know me,,, i'm way to good for any of that,, and since i don't drive a company vehicle, or a white truck with a huge tool box on the back of it,,, i can get away with parking in the hotel parking lot next door,, and no one will ever know..

but,, i also took it a step further,, i parked in one of the spots right up front, with a sign above that read," 1 hour parking"....

i justified my actions, because, being the positive minded employee that i am,,, counted on being done with my work in less than a couple hours.

wrong.

at lunch time i went back to my truck to get my check book,, since i had forgotten my wallet and my phone that day,,, and then hopped in with a coworker and we went to lunch... (side note: nobody takes checks anymore)

we returned from lunch and finished the job in just a couple more hours.. my truck had probably been parked in a 1 hour spot for about 6 hours.. but it was still there,,, so that's all i cared about.

as i'm walking in the general direction of my truck, i notice a security guard approaching from my left,, who seems pretty interested in where i'm going... so,, i continue walking my direction, pretending to pay him no attention, and as if i belong there.. mind you,, i'm obviously a construction worker,, i'm wearing work boots, a white t shirt, and jeans,, and i'm carrying a hard hat with a bundled up orange vest, tape measure, and safety glasses all stuffed inside..

the security guard is on my tail.. he's following me,, and i have a feeling i know why. so,, i veer right... into the parking garage,, away from my truck.. i hear him do the same.. he's about thirty feet behind me.. i spot a trash can,, so i walk up to it and just stand there.. pretending to finish my drink so i can throw it away... i figure he'll walk past.. but he stops also!!! he's holding a can of coke,, and is using my move!!... "oh well" i figure,, i'll call his bluff.. so i just continue to stand there,, as if i have a lot left in my drink... this continues for about thirty awkward seconds,, until he finally tosses his can (which bounces out onto the street,, by the way) and walks off... i wait a few more moments,, so he can get a healthy start in the opposite direction before i turn back towards the truck...

i start to walk in that direction,, but still try to be vague about where i'm going.. i'm not walking directly towards the truck,, but more like i'm walking down the street,, past the truck... and then,, at the last second, i turn and step toward the truck,, and suddenly he's on the move!! he's jogging toward me, yelling, "you can't park there!!"

i give him the blank stare like, "wha?" "why not?".. and he shouts at me,, "are you working at the sterling building?",, to which i reply, "no."... obvious lie.. but in my defense,, i did not know that the name of that building was sterling... in fact i wouldn't have known which building he was talking about had he not glanced in the direction of the building that i happened to be walking from..

he didn't fall for it... the overzealous security guard shook his head at me and said, "YES YOU ARE" and that's all i heard... he kept talking,,, but i opened my door and climbed in and started the truck... if you've ever been in the truck with me,,, then you know,, that as soon as that key is turned the slightest bit, my stereo bellows out at full throttle,, and the immediate environment surrounding the vehicle gets a healthy dose of whatever i happen to be listening to..

he didn't like that at all... here he is still talking into my window,, but all i can hear is this new song i'm into,,, i don't even know who it is,, but they're singing, " Home, I wanna go ho,o, ome, home is whenever i'm with you" all the while i'm staring at him in confusion like i don't know what he's talking about... and then i put it in reverse and back out of there..

as i pull out,, i notice a huge neon orange sticker on my window, that says i'm illegally parked, and my license has been recorded, and i will be towed if the vehicle is not moved shortly... i chuckle,,, but then,, down at the bottom,, is a little hand written message,, something special,, just for me, it seems,,, it reads: I KNOW you are working at the sterling building,,,, and i WILL tow your truck...

isn't that awesome??... i wonder how much time that little guy sunk into hanging out and walking around that building just waiting for someone to get into my truck...

i'm glad i could make his day worthwhile..

now,, i've told the story about twenty times,, because people keep asking me why i have a bright orange sticker on my truck.. which won't come off until i go to walmart and buy a razor blade to scrape it with...

i've been thinking of all the things i could do to antagonize this poor guy now...

like buy a bunch of random stickers, and put them on his hotel at night... with personal hand written messages on them... i could go get his coke can.. and put a sticker on it that says: I KNOW you left this coke can on the ground... but where could i put it??? hmmmm..... or i could rent a room at the hotel,, and then go park int that same spot,, and wait for them to tow me,, and then run out screaming that i have a room at the hotel... but still be wearing my dirty construction uniform... that would be great...

anyhow... this is going to have to be a two part blog... cuz... it's late... and i need some sleep..