smarter than your average construction worker.

on occasion,,, actually i should say regularly,, i am forced to use a port-o-potty at work....

i'm over it though... no big deal... i've actually come to enjoy my trips to the port a john because of the extensive reading the voyage entails...

every single port-a-jon on a construction site has been filled, wall to wall, with pictures of naked ladies, spanish heiroglyphics, and poorly spelled english ramblings....


often there will be some remark about "how dum the fukin mexicans" are... and then there will be an arrow pointing to that remark with a reply "lurn to spell you idiot!"

it's great... never ceases to amaze me.. also there is a lot of bickering about who makes more money, who stole who's job, who's momma is a whore,, etc. etc...

so,, today,, i was in a relatively fresh stall,,, by that i mean that the walls were about only 30% marked up inside...

suddenly, i remembered that i was carrying a sharpie marker in my pocket at the moment because i had been marking lines on the overhead steal before i felt the urge to embark on the mile long hike through a jungle of temporary walls and piles of sheet rock/tools/ladders and whatever else have you, to the restrooms... i'll use that term from now on because i'm tired of typing port-o-potty..

anyhow,, i decided that today was the day... i was gonna write on a restroom wall... possibly for the first time in my life.. as far as i can remember anyway...

so,, i thought long and hard about what i was going to write.. i could criticize people of other races or religions or political parties... or i could write that the superintendent of this particular job does awful things behind closed doors (to put it lightly).... the possibilities were endless...

but then i thought,, you know,, i want to write something that has never been written on a portable restroom before,you know,, be creative,, but what??...


i thought for a moment more,, raised my marker,, and penned:

I HEART (the symbol) STAR TREK


I was so amused with myself that i laughed out loud... mostly because i work with a forty year old geek of a man that loves science fiction,, and i am secretly hoping that he finds himself in that restroom before we leave this job...

but,, smiling to myself,, i figured, what the hell,, why stop there,, and wrote:

NEWT GINGRICH IS THE MAN!!!!!



and then: KURT VONNEGUT WAS HERE.... AND WROTE THIS... 10-28-10....


i suddenly don't hate my job so much... i'm also wondering what other people will write about my entries in the "bathroom log book".... i'm guessing they either won't write anything at all,, cuz they have no idea what i'm talking about,, or who on earth would write that crap... or they'll call me things like "fag white boy" but more than likely misspelled...


so,,, that was the highlight of my day...



i just hope,, that i won't someday be thirty years old, and still have to occasionally wear a bright yellow vest (and hard hat) to work...

Austin City Limits... and whatnot...

acutally,,, i don't even think i have the energy to write about ACL...

it was amazing... i was sick... skin burned... money spent... hotel trashed... bands rocked... i should stop saying that word... and memories made....



anyway,, and i need to tell the tragic barbecue accident story....

i'm too lazy to write anymore.. actually i'm too busy researching important stuff for class... or procrastinating the researching and homework type stuff until the last possible minute.. so that i'm constantly overwhelmed... and rushing to finish...


anyhow.. it's hard to write at the moment because stephen colbert is being exceptionally funny.



ok... ok... about six months ago,, i was working on a project in corinth... the jobsite was close to this parking lot where i happen to know that a certain "trailer park eatery" guy always parks his rolling barbecue shack... it's a well known fact,,, that i LOVE barbecue.. LOVE.... and this guy,, happens to be exceptionally good at what he does...


so.. as the lunch hour grows near,, i mention to my cohort that i know a place,, and we should try it... the cohort agrees to give my portable barbecue palace a whirl,, moments later we jumped in his oversized-douchebag-dodge ram and head south..


upon first glance,, everyone is always taken back by the lifelong project this trailer has become... it's a picturesqe wooden shack looking thing,, with knick knacks and collectibles hanging from every possible spot.. and then the thing is actually pretty small... there's only room for one person to stand inside and every bit of space has been used in someway...

anyway,, my buddy starts asking the guy things like, how long did it take to build? how long has he been doing this? does he travel a lot??? and what not..


the guy tells us all about what he does,, and why he does it.. blah de blah...

jason... my cohort... tells the guy that he has a friend that just finished building his own trailer park eatery (i just learned that term.. pretty proud of it.. turns out,, austin is full of 'em).... but his friend's is a massive rolling crawfish boiler... so the guy seems interested and then says:

i've got one piece of advice for your buddy (the crawfish guy):

ALWAYS RESPECT THE PROPANE... ALWAYS..


so... that seems pretty legit to me.. i find his little tid bit of old man lesson to be quite reasonable.. something that could probably apply to anybody,, regardless of profession...


but then the barbecue guy goes into story mode:

he says, "back in ninety something (i'm paraphrasing) I had just finished my second trailer... it was blah de blah de blah... (whatever,, i can't remember.. it was pretty cool apparently,, whatever was different about that trailer)... anyway,, I was getting ready for a party one afternoon,, and i was cooking two briskets out in the trailer, parked in front of my house.. i put the meat on and lit the fire and then went inside to take a shower and start drinking.. a couple hours later i walked outside to check the brisket... i had just thrown some clothes on to go outside, so i was just wearin' my boots, some cut off wranglers (ridiculously short,, i'm sure),,, a sleeveless button up shirt, unbuttoned,,, and my cowboy hat.... also,, back then i had long curly hair,, but only in the back.. and it was shorter on top.. just like,,, oh whats that guys name,, that achey breaky guy???"

he pauses and looks at us,,, both of our mouths hanging open, i'm sure,, in awe of what he wants us to say... so we do it.. in unison,, "BILLY RAY CYRUS??"...

oh god,, it was great... the guy goes," yeah! billy ray cyrus,,, my hair looked just like his! people used to tell me that all the time.."

i'm sure we were holding laughs back,, but the guy continued, "anyway,, i went out there to check the meat,, and i noticed the temperature gauge wasn't even giving a reading... which is weird because the fire had been burning for a couple hours already... so,, i assumed the fire had been put out somehow, and the gas had kept flowing,, and the trailer had now transformed itself into some elaborate terrorist plot...(he didn't actually say that,, i just thought it up..)

so.. i opened the doors and windows all up,, and turned the valves off, and tried to smell around for gas.. i didn't smell anything.. then i (and don't ask me why) stepped several feet away from the trailer,, and put my hand in the door and struck the flint on my lighter.. (i was holding my breath) but nothing happened... so then i lit the lighter.. nothing... i started waving it around.. nothing.. so i walked in the trailer and lit the lighter again.. nothing... (i mean really?? i just knew something crazy was about to happen... but it doesn't and he keeps going one step further...) so then I walk all over the trailer waving my lighter in the air... nothing... so,, i assumed everything is ok.. there's no gas in the trailer,, and i can start my fire again.. I reach down and open the bottom compartment up to light the grill... i reach my hand in there,, and strike the lighter,,,,,, and,,, (you guessed it,,) BOOOOOOMMMM."


my partner and I sat,,, speechless,, staring at the guy,,,unbeknownst to the mulleted barbecue wizard,, propane is denser than air... it flows on the ground.. and the compartment next to the bottle,, was full of it..


he continues, "yep.. the whole thing blew.."

" I didn't even know what happened.. my girlfriend took me to the hospital.. and you know what saved me?? my beard and hair, and shirt... every part of my body was burned up, except for where my shorts and boots were,,, and what parts of my chest were covered by the unbuttoned sleeveless shirt..... and my face was burned except for where my beard used to be,, all my hair was burned off except for what was underneath my cowboy hat..."

he goes on, "yep,, my legs are all scarred up,, and my arms a little too,, and one strip down my chest... but other than that,, i'm A OK..."

anyhow,, we talked back and forth a little bit about the details of his incident,, and then he gave us food and we drove off....

as soon as we pulled out onto the road,, I asked the cohort, "can you believe,, that we just met a guy,, that had his MULLET,,,, BURNED OFF,, IN A TRAGIC BARBECUING ACCIDENT????"

jason,, the cohort,, laughs and agrees,, it's a pretty f'in crazy story...

and then,, I thought,, not only that,, but, he claims that it was in fact,, the mullet that saved his life.. now is that not the craziest shit you've ever heard???


i guess maybe he should write a thank you note to ol' Billy Ray... let him know just how much he really appreciated the ridiculous amount of influence that billy had on popular culture in the early nineties.... i mean,, it did save his life..


also,, he might be the first person ever to go instantly from a mullet, to a chili bowl...


sidenote: i just remembered,, that the first two cds i ever owned were billy ray cyrus, and garth brooks.... the one with a picture of garth on the cover wearing a black and white checkered shirt.. but it's only four huge checkers.. not a bunch of little ones...

anyhow,, one year for christmas i got a cd player and those two cd's... man,, that was a great christmas... i was really pumped about those cd's.... and i'm pretty sure britt was too....


ah,, the memories....