the overzealous security guard

ok... i'm going to try to be quick...

actually,, all that means is that this will probably be poorly written..

oh well...


it's been an interesting day.. or couple days...


yesterday, i was working at a building in downtown dallas which had no parking specified for construction workers. Which meant you had to fight for spots on the street, or walk long distances to the jobsite.. well,, you know me,,, i'm way to good for any of that,, and since i don't drive a company vehicle, or a white truck with a huge tool box on the back of it,,, i can get away with parking in the hotel parking lot next door,, and no one will ever know..

but,, i also took it a step further,, i parked in one of the spots right up front, with a sign above that read," 1 hour parking"....

i justified my actions, because, being the positive minded employee that i am,,, counted on being done with my work in less than a couple hours.

wrong.

at lunch time i went back to my truck to get my check book,, since i had forgotten my wallet and my phone that day,,, and then hopped in with a coworker and we went to lunch... (side note: nobody takes checks anymore)

we returned from lunch and finished the job in just a couple more hours.. my truck had probably been parked in a 1 hour spot for about 6 hours.. but it was still there,,, so that's all i cared about.

as i'm walking in the general direction of my truck, i notice a security guard approaching from my left,, who seems pretty interested in where i'm going... so,, i continue walking my direction, pretending to pay him no attention, and as if i belong there.. mind you,, i'm obviously a construction worker,, i'm wearing work boots, a white t shirt, and jeans,, and i'm carrying a hard hat with a bundled up orange vest, tape measure, and safety glasses all stuffed inside..

the security guard is on my tail.. he's following me,, and i have a feeling i know why. so,, i veer right... into the parking garage,, away from my truck.. i hear him do the same.. he's about thirty feet behind me.. i spot a trash can,, so i walk up to it and just stand there.. pretending to finish my drink so i can throw it away... i figure he'll walk past.. but he stops also!!! he's holding a can of coke,, and is using my move!!... "oh well" i figure,, i'll call his bluff.. so i just continue to stand there,, as if i have a lot left in my drink... this continues for about thirty awkward seconds,, until he finally tosses his can (which bounces out onto the street,, by the way) and walks off... i wait a few more moments,, so he can get a healthy start in the opposite direction before i turn back towards the truck...

i start to walk in that direction,, but still try to be vague about where i'm going.. i'm not walking directly towards the truck,, but more like i'm walking down the street,, past the truck... and then,, at the last second, i turn and step toward the truck,, and suddenly he's on the move!! he's jogging toward me, yelling, "you can't park there!!"

i give him the blank stare like, "wha?" "why not?".. and he shouts at me,, "are you working at the sterling building?",, to which i reply, "no."... obvious lie.. but in my defense,, i did not know that the name of that building was sterling... in fact i wouldn't have known which building he was talking about had he not glanced in the direction of the building that i happened to be walking from..

he didn't fall for it... the overzealous security guard shook his head at me and said, "YES YOU ARE" and that's all i heard... he kept talking,,, but i opened my door and climbed in and started the truck... if you've ever been in the truck with me,,, then you know,, that as soon as that key is turned the slightest bit, my stereo bellows out at full throttle,, and the immediate environment surrounding the vehicle gets a healthy dose of whatever i happen to be listening to..

he didn't like that at all... here he is still talking into my window,, but all i can hear is this new song i'm into,,, i don't even know who it is,, but they're singing, " Home, I wanna go ho,o, ome, home is whenever i'm with you" all the while i'm staring at him in confusion like i don't know what he's talking about... and then i put it in reverse and back out of there..

as i pull out,, i notice a huge neon orange sticker on my window, that says i'm illegally parked, and my license has been recorded, and i will be towed if the vehicle is not moved shortly... i chuckle,,, but then,, down at the bottom,, is a little hand written message,, something special,, just for me, it seems,,, it reads: I KNOW you are working at the sterling building,,,, and i WILL tow your truck...

isn't that awesome??... i wonder how much time that little guy sunk into hanging out and walking around that building just waiting for someone to get into my truck...

i'm glad i could make his day worthwhile..

now,, i've told the story about twenty times,, because people keep asking me why i have a bright orange sticker on my truck.. which won't come off until i go to walmart and buy a razor blade to scrape it with...

i've been thinking of all the things i could do to antagonize this poor guy now...

like buy a bunch of random stickers, and put them on his hotel at night... with personal hand written messages on them... i could go get his coke can.. and put a sticker on it that says: I KNOW you left this coke can on the ground... but where could i put it??? hmmmm..... or i could rent a room at the hotel,, and then go park int that same spot,, and wait for them to tow me,, and then run out screaming that i have a room at the hotel... but still be wearing my dirty construction uniform... that would be great...

anyhow... this is going to have to be a two part blog... cuz... it's late... and i need some sleep..

hum drum

well....

not much to write about.... july has been a weird month..

i turned 26 years old a couple days ago... that's exciting...


however i have lost ten pounds, due mostly to playing basketball three times a week. my gut is slowly disappearing,,, but suddenly i've realized that, at twenty six years old,,, my ankles and knees have been slowly deteriorating over the last ten years... i can barely walk sometimes... usually the morning after a basketball game...



this even sounds corny in my head: but i'll write it anyhow.

lately i've been thinking..... about my overall demeanor and attitude..

[damnit! i've tried to type this out 3 times already,,, just can't seem to word it right]



ok,,, i just wanted to comment on the strong relationship between my peace of mind,, and a piece of my mind...


for two years,,, roughly,, i can recall being ever ready to give this world and everyone in it a piece of my mind... i've had something to say about everything.. i approve of almost nothing.. nobody does anything right.. despicable..

and,,, as best i can remember,, as long as i've gone on this way,,, i've hardly experienced this phenomena they call peace of mind...


how about that.


so.. how about i sit back,,, relax,,, and maybe shut up... keep my opinions to myself..

and let the magic happen...

for you that have known me too well, for too long.

I'm an asshole... it's a fact. I've acted selfishly, and shown no sympathy for the feelings of others. I've walked through this world, as if i needed no one. I could do everything myself. I've pushed people away that only wanted to love me. I've shown no love nor felt any love. I've done without. I felt as though i didn't need love, because along with love comes problems, complications, negative feelings at times, and heart ache. So I assumed i could do with out either as long as i shun them both. I used people. I am an asshole. there's nothing i can do about all that. It's over. I acted horribly, I criticized people who didn't have the same mindset as myself. I've thought little of them because they were not strong enough to survive in this world. they didn't have what it takes to self motivate. They didn't have what it takes to make things happen for yourself.. to be everything for yourself. To go where you want to go, and do what you want to do. whenever, where ever.

but today,, I want to publicly admit,,, that I AM WRONG. i've been wrong for years. people have tried to tell me otherwise, and i've argued, but now it's been proven to me... i see things through a new light... it seems, I've been a walking, talking contradiction.

for the last few months I've been reminded of the movie "into the wild"... I identified so closely with the main character. He went out into the wilderness alone. He set out on an adventure. self exploration. I envied him. I fully believed that i was capable of the same feat. but about a month ago, i was speaking of the film with a good friend, who didn't love it as much as i did. I protested, and told him my view of things,,,

his reply was, "yeah,, but he never caught on,, that he needed people,, and he died alone, in the woods. with no one around"

at the moment,, his words meant nothing to me.. i left the conversation still believing it was a great movie,, actually i still think it's a great movie,, but for different reasons..

now i love it,, for the message,, that we need people to survive.. nobody can do it alone,, you can try like hell,, but when you finally wear yourself out,, you'll be laying there, all alone.. nobody to talk to.. nobody answering your calls.. nobody. just you,, and your warped fuckin mind... your years of self proclaimed "independence"... your stack of accomplishments.. your metaphorical trophies... your blood, sweat, and tears.. your self...

In recent weeks i've been doing a lot of thinking, and a lot of observing.. I went to washington dc... i watched all the old couples walking around the monuments,, looking at the statues erected to honor history,, history that they no doubt lived through.. they were probably together during the wars of which we were standing in memory of..

then i would observe my dad,,, and his love for people... no matter where we were, he was ready to help somebody,, complete strangers..

always watching it seemed like.. we could be standing side by side,, watching the same scene,, but he would rush over and help... whatever it may have been.. opening a door, helping an old lady up the stairs, making sure someone could see through the crowd, etc, etc.... also he would make conversation with people.. for no reason.. anyone that was in our general vicinity for more than a second.. he was talking to.. I've always been the opposite... i only speak when necessary.. i get whatever information i need out of people, and then i move on... sad existence.

I watch my grandparents... they've been together for so long.. and they still love each other. they still love life. i've always been convinced that that only happens in movies.. nobody stays together.. everybody is miserable. (maybe that comes from going through two different divorces with my mother... i don't know)

i don't know where i'm going with this.... I just want to say... that i'm sorry... to the world.. i want to apologize.. and personally, i want to apologize... there is a few of you,, and one in particular that deserve extreme apologies from me.. I hope you can forgive me,, I hope that i can someday make up for my wrong doings... my horrible attitude towards you, and life in general.. my refusal to let my guard down....


I want to change.. I want to be more like my dad. my grandfather. Men of honor,, and truth.. I want to live hand in hand with the people of this world.. I want to love, and to be loved... I want to help.. I want to forgive. I want to sympathize. I want to believe in people. I want to trust.


This is my promise to the world,,, I will change, I will make a difference.. I will donate time, and money, and physical/ emotional energy... I will put others before myself.... and if at any time, any of you feel that i need be reminded,,, please redirect me back to this blog,, so i can remember my words..



I was afraid before. I was stuck. I refused to listen to reason.....

That will no longer be true.. Please accept my apology..



ps... i'm listening to a live performance by Mark Cohn on NPR... he's playing "walking in memphis".... this song really takes me back.. i can remember singing these lines as loud as possible with my brother and mom,, in the truck when i was about twelve years old.. i've got chills thinking about it.. oh,, the power of music....

i hate frat boys

well,, i just got back from playing basketball... I'm in a summer league, and this was our first game of the season. we lost.. but it was close.... too close.

i couldn't shoot for shit today,, and i got stuffed at least four times,,, so much in fact that i was going up expecting a swat,, so it was throwing my shot off...

colby nearly got in a fight...

i got a technical... for pushing somebody down..

one of the players on the other team was just wearing boxers instead of shorts,,, it really offended us.. not to mention the distraction while guarding him..

the last ten seconds were really intense.. they had the ball and were up by one... they were trying to run the clock out, and we were desperately trying to stop it.. they kept passing around and over us,, and apparantly the refs were being leniant because we were trying to foul to stop the clock but they werent' calling it.. that's when i ran up and pushed the dude down that had the ball... flagrant foul.. he shoots two but misses one. then they get the ball back, but derrick tips it and runs down the court for the last second three,, which misses short... me and another guy fight for the ball, i end up with it and hurl a sideways shot in at the buzzer!!!!!

but the refs called it late... game over.

that stupid son of a bitch was jumping around in his boxers all over the place,, and he immediately ran into our group and started slapping our hands as they were down at our side, screamin "good game!".... oh,, i could kill him....

i'll be thinking about him for a good while..


now i'm back at my house,, eating ramen noodles, and writing this blog...